Today was dress like a rock star day at school. I did my best to create something on the spur of the moment that would at least make Rebecca feel like she was dressed like a rock star. (Notice the silver hair)
Tonight I had a hard time getting the kids to bed. Warren wasn't home. Joseph finally fell asleep. Rebecca kept finding things to talk to me about. I finally said: "You need to get to sleep or you'll be grumpy tomorrow morning like you were tonight." Rebecca replied: "But daddy said if I'm awake when he gets home he'll rock me." That kind of melted my heart.
You see, she's been complaining a lot lately that we only ever rock Joseph in the glider and never her. And that I only take care of Joseph and not her. It's pretty hard being the big 5 year old when you have a little 2 year old brother who needs a lot more help than you do, but you still need just as much love. I get frustrated because I need her help, I need her to be good, I need her to act perfectly ALL the time! Yes, I'm sure my expectations are sometimes unfairly high. But when you have one kid that you can communicate with and one who is just learning to communicate, it's natural to expect more from the first one, I suppose.
Anyway, when she said she was waiting for daddy to rock her I asked if she would like me to rock her. She said, "sure, just for one minute." So I held my little girl on my lap, and rocked my grown up rock star. I held her tight and loved her and let the tears roll down my cheeks. I held her till she was almost asleep and put her gently into bed. All the frustrations melted away. All I felt was love. Maybe I need to rock her more often. Because someday she won't ask to be rocked anymore.
You see, she's been complaining a lot lately that we only ever rock Joseph in the glider and never her. And that I only take care of Joseph and not her. It's pretty hard being the big 5 year old when you have a little 2 year old brother who needs a lot more help than you do, but you still need just as much love. I get frustrated because I need her help, I need her to be good, I need her to act perfectly ALL the time! Yes, I'm sure my expectations are sometimes unfairly high. But when you have one kid that you can communicate with and one who is just learning to communicate, it's natural to expect more from the first one, I suppose.
Anyway, when she said she was waiting for daddy to rock her I asked if she would like me to rock her. She said, "sure, just for one minute." So I held my little girl on my lap, and rocked my grown up rock star. I held her tight and loved her and let the tears roll down my cheeks. I held her till she was almost asleep and put her gently into bed. All the frustrations melted away. All I felt was love. Maybe I need to rock her more often. Because someday she won't ask to be rocked anymore.
7 comments:
You know what I love...Joseph's mismatched pajamas! It's what Andrew has been wearing far too often lately! Oh, and yeah, the oldest (or the middle, well just anyone who's not the baby) does tend to get overlooked. I love those moments when you get to come together again.
I have found a direct correlation between the satisfaction I feel in myself as a mother and the time I spend talking to my boys at night when they're in bed. They seem much more open to talking then. I cry too:)
You are such a wonderful, inspired, insightful mother. I admire you and I think your children are very lucky to be mothered by YOU!
I feel the same way. I always think I should know this, given that I was the oldest... it's amazing what a difference it makes when I take the time to focus on my oldest.
Love this post.
Lauren has the same shoes! And, the same need to be loved. She can relate to being the 5 year old with the 2 year old brother. Maybe I'll rock her tomorrow.
That was really sweet. I usually look forward to rocking Emily, but sometimes I just want Josh to do it. Thanks for giving me some perspective.
Also, thanks for the D-land tips. I had read them but had already forgotten about the birthday voucher. Too bad my birthday has already passed. Josh's isn't until December.
Anyway, we'll totally have to meet up for a day trip sometime. We got the Deluxe because otherwise Josh would never be able to come, so I'm not sure when your blackouts are...I think they start soon?
Thanks for sharing - that was a really sweet story. It's a good reminder that we need to pay attention to the older kids too and not just the babies.
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