I'm here

Friday night. Warren and I had just gotten home from a date (or rather a work social obligation event!). My kids were fast asleep in bed. I had to leave home early, 4:00 to get there on time because it was at the Hollywood Bowl and traffic on a Friday night is horrendous.
Every time I leave the kids with a babysitter (no matter how much I like the babysitter or how much fun I know they probably had) once I get home I feel this really strong urge to go in and wake up my kids to tell them: "Mommy's home, everything is okay now." I don't know what it is, the maternal instinct I suppose, but even though they are sleeping I want them to know Mommy is there.
I went in to check on them. Joseph's blanket was wrapped so tightly around his waist I wanted to loosen it. In the process it did wake him up. He was so tired but kept trying to open his eyes to see me. It was as if he wanted to make sure I was real and was going to stay.
I rocked him for a few minutes and put him back down. I resisted the urge to wake Rebecca (of course I never wake them on purpose) but a few minutes later I heard her drinking her water so I knew she was awake and I went in and said goodnight to her.
My kids want to be around me. I have two little shadows much of the day. If they aren't in the same room they at least want to be on the same level of the house. Sometimes Rebecca will just yell out: "Mom?" I answer: "What?" She says: "Nothing, I just wanted to know that you were there."
I'm glad I'm here. It's a lot of work sometimes, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. It won't always be this way. Life moves on. Things change. But for now, they want me here.
And here I'll stay.